Of mobile snowpiles, fogmen and road stripe pilots

Most of us on the northern hemisphere have realized, that there is a great possibility that every year might start with the season of winter. Some people are totally ignorant to that fact and those people are the reason for my rant.

This winter brought quite a bit of snow to the rather warm Rhein-Main region and it snowed again last night. All inhabitants of the alps would laugh at ten centimeters of snow, but here it is enough to cause havoc, chaos and panic paired with huge traffic jams, accidents and some special types of people to surface.

fogman

fogman is super cool and likes the light. He will turn on every lightbulb (or nowadays LED) his car has. Regardless of laws and the health of other motorists. You might have guessed, that Germany has laws and regulations in place that specifiy how to use your cars lights to allow you a maximum of seight with a minimum hassle for other drivers.

The rear fog lights may be turned on in fog (what a surprise!) with a visibility of 50 meters or less.  Driving in fog with a visibility of 50 meters you should limit your speed to 50km/h. But fogman will light up his rear fogs even in the slightest drizzle or in snow and scorches the retinas of all drivers behind him.

Not only that. Fogman will also light up his front fog lights. Good, German regulations are a bit more relaxed on front fogs, which you may use in conditions with limited visibility (rain, snow,fog) in different combinations with your normal driving lights. Driving lights + fogs is the most common usage, but in severe fog (visibility <50m) you may use parking lights + fog lights only, to minimize reflections from the mist.  I confess I like to use them to spot ice earlier or to light up dark forrests to detect game beside the road.  But fogman will use them in any conditions.

mobile snowheaps

Ever seen a mobile snowheap? I have today. Several of them. I noticed three main subspecies.  First of all SUV/SAV snowheaps. Owners of these cars spent every single penny on this huge lumps of metal and therefore have no money for a garage that’s big enough to fit this brute and of course no money for winter tires, but who gives a damn, anyway. Those beasts have 4wd. I truly understand, that it is beneath them, to get a ladder or stool to clear snow and ice from the roof of that truck. So yes, it is totally sufficient, to turn on the wipers once to clear a small slit for the driver to get a rough bearing.

The second species I noticed, are the family sized snowheaps. Station wagons, pseudo-vans and other family transporters are definetly too long (and possibly too tall) to clear the humongous amounts of snow. But not all family snowheaps are really in family use. Some are in use by field service people, that cleared the windshield and left side mirror only because they’re too important, too late for their next appointment or don’t want their coffee turn cold.

The third species I noticed are female mobile snowheaps. I apologize to any female readers, that may think, that I’m a macho, but I’m not. These are ourely my observatrions from my communte to work and back. Many of the mobile snowheaps are driven by females trailing a large cloud of snow and possibly ice shrapnell. If you look closer you’ll notice that the gaps in the snow mantle have been wiped clear by small glove covered hands in a hurry.

A shame, that the German police doesn’t really enforce the laws in place and ticket those drivers. It’s a pet peeve of mine, after my car got hit by sheet of ice falling of an UPS truck and smashing the front grille, a headlight and cracking the windshield. a couple of years ago. A shame I didn’t get the license plate, it would’ve meant a nice fine and a couple of points on his driver’s record.

Last but not least:

road stripe pilots

These guys are mostly on multi-lane roads. regardless on which lane is cleared most, they’ll drive right in the middle of two lanes. I’ve heard, that plane captains like to put the nose wheel right on the line, these people will try the same with their car. Ever met one of them or tried to overtake them? That is really an adventure, as road stripe pilots tend to be schoolmasterly. The pilot will let you know immedeatly, that the speed (50km/h on the Autobahn and 30-40km/h on other roads) he (or she) is driving is sufficient in these road conditions by flashing the emergency lights, brake lights or the rear fog lights. (see above: the fogman)

As I mentioned already, it can be dangerous to pass one of these species. I tried to, this morning and this pilot started to drive in zigzags. As I pulled up to his drivers window, he showed me the international sign, that I might want to get a check up for any mental disorders with his left mirror a mere few centimeters from my right mirror and forcing me to drive through the sludge next to the middle barrier.

As you might have guessed, some people belong to a combination of these species and there are a couple of rarer species that I might describe sometime later, if I encounter them on the road.

So please drive carefully within your limits out there and please don’t try to interfere with others. If someone thinks he can drive faster than you, keep your speed and lane and let him pass. Nature and physics will take care of him if he’s too fast and you don’t want to be involved in that or the cause for it to happen.